Last night I attended a benefit dinner and silent auction. As I perused the silent auction items my attention fell on a basket of dark chocolate promising stress free and effortless weight loss. My heart started pounding erratically and visions of being size 6 by Monday danced through my head. For one fleeting moment of euphoria I was sucked in and stopped to read the fine print. Somewhere between ‘all natural’ and ‘energy’, my left brain rationality kicked in and reminded me of my previous experience with the magic weight loss chocolate. Back in the winter of 2009 (OK, OK, it was freezing cold and who wouldn’t be sucked into dark chocolate magic when it’s minus 20 and the nights are long and the only thing that’s fitting about then are sweats and pajamas!) one of my students supplied me with some dark chocolate claiming magical weight loss powers. The package was dropped off in broad daylight in a public place so I naturally thought it was above board and, I didn’t promise her better grades because of it so I felt pure about the whole thing!
OK, now before you pass judgment on me, think, who wouldn’t want to eat chocolate that boasted of magical transformative powers? Just the promise of boosting metabolic rate and suppressing appetite while eating dark chocolate wafers turned my head and innervated my speech muscles to say ‘I’m in!’ --sure beats the hell out of okra and kale (aka grass and slime). I had visions of not only being size 6 in time for Valentines Day (like what for, it’s not like I had a hot date or anything!) but also of being taller, prettier, younger, friendlier, and smarter—not to mention that my teeth would be whiter and George Clooney would return my call—all this from eating that magic dark chocolate.!
Well it didn’t take long to have my fantastical visions shattered! I was on a ‘trip’ of sorts, the likes of which I had never experienced. I was jumpy, moody, paranoid, and grouchy, besides feeling like a hill of polygamous Formica ants had taken up residence in my liver (and yes I DO know that Formica ants live polygamy—I learned that in my dissertation literature search!). Suddenly the ‘too good to be true’ magic chocolate had fallen from grace and I was back to reality a wiser yet no thinner woman.
I bypassed the silent auction chocolate and settled on a bowl of grass and slime instead.
No comments:
Post a Comment