downsizing

I am wondering if there is a correlation between excess weight and an excess of possessions. I gave away my living room furniture today—don’t need so much furniture for myself. Its time to pare down possessions and pare down cellulite. Wonder if getting rid of excess possessions will naturally stop excess food consumption and excess weight. Downsizing in more ways than one.

still learning

Times of transition are particularly challenging to me. I am still shell shocked about the fact that my children have all grown up. Was I in a fog for 25 years not realizing this was happening, or was I just eating my way through the decades, not knowing that so many years had passed? Food is and has been the constant in my life—it doesn’t grow up and leave me; I eat it first then quickly replace it. Weight loss seems to be a similar story; lose, gain, lose, gain, lose gain. Every time I am certain that I have finally ended the battle, a new battalion of cellulite rises from the ashes, and challenges me to battle one more time. I have even spent some years proclaiming that the fat war was over and the fat won; but, I can’t even stick with that! Here it comes back again and I remind myself that I am still learning.

body wisdom

August 15, 2010
The other day I ran into a colleague that I haven’t seen in awhile and was shocked to see her looking so lean, healthy, and vibrant. When I commented on this, she said that she had lost 50 pounds in the past several months. Naturally, the next question was, how? Like me, she is one who has tried many diets and spent years going up and down the scale. This time, she looked at the root of the problem rather than trying another band aid solution. As many of us chronic dieters know, food is not the problem; self-discipline is not the problem; desire is not the problem. So what is the problem. She, like me, was using food as a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, fear and so forth. After doing online counseling and identifying her food demons, she had begun to use food for what food is for—physical nourishment. I listened more intently as she shared what she had learned and how this learning had changed her view of food, dieting, weight, stress and so forth. A key point in the plan was that all food fits when eaten in response to physical hunger. Our bodies have the wisdom to signal us when food is needed and to again signal when they have had enough. As I am learning and pondering these bites (no pun intended), I am trusting my body to tell me what it needs and when it needs it and how much it needs.

charmed

The humorist, Erma Bombeck was one of my favorite writers. I especially love her comments about dieting. I so identify with her when she moaned about having been on a constant diet for decades and having lost over 700 pounds in that time. Then she says “by all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.” Me too, Erma.

me

St Augustine said—“men go forth to wonder at the heights of mountains, the huge waves of the sea, the broad flow of the rivers, the vast compass of the ocean, the course of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.” Just for today, I am getting to know the wonders of myself, focusing on listening to and caring for me here and now.

icecream, i scream.

This past week I put my baby (18 year old baby, that is) on the greyhound bus, off to another extended volleyball adventure. Something about seeing that greyhound bus drive away flipped me right into a tailspin of emptiness, feeling a sink hole deep in my mother heart. Before I knew it, and certainly before the bus was out of town, I found myself sitting in the DQ drive through with a large mint oreo blizzard in my hand. Where did that come from? Perhaps it was my feeble attempt to fill the sink hole in my heart with ice-cream. Predictably, the ice-cream didn’t fill my empty heart, but only the fat cells on my thighs. (My sister tells me she is taking out stock in DQ for this, my year of transition from emptying nest to emptied nest). A simple walk with a friend would have relieved the emptiness illusion much more effectively while strengthening, rather than fattening my thighs. I could have bypassed the DQ and gone straight to the hills for a walk. Remember, remember, sugar never was happiness nor was it love, nor was it relief from any of life’s challenges.

the fork in the road

It seems that whenever I see a fork in the road ahead, I pick it up and eat (I DID say fork, didn’t I!). Anyway, I have some major decisions to make in my life in the next months, and I am feeling the fork in the road syndrome—eating in anticipation of the upcoming fork. Would life be easier then, with no choices to make? I heard a phrase once used, “the freedom of no choice”, asserting that sometimes simply having choices before us is stifling and imprisoning because of the overwhelming confusion it may cause, leading us to freeze in our tracks, incapable of choosing. I am not advocating a life with no choices, but sometimes it does seem that it would be easier to have only one choice for breakfast, one choice for lunch, and one choice for dinner with no alternatives in between. And, not just food choices, but life choices as well. How little risk and anxiety there would be if I could see my path straight ahead of me for the next 50 years and know exactly what is going to happen-- no unexpected forks or spoons or knives for that matter. For those of us who love to eat, a fork in the road is just that—a fork in the road.